The Wedding part 3 Single girl in hell.

Took a long time to finish this story. Sorry. Got distracted.

So, Wedding day....not much sleep, no breakfast.....off to the salon. Jayme told us not to wash our hair, so I felt kind of grimy all day. Too much product! Went from salon to the Union where everything was going to be held. Pictures before were uneventful. The ushers were really bad at their jobs moving people out onto the terrace for the ceremony, so we started late. I went and herded folks out the door....my voice carrys :) Ceremony was short and sweet. Groom jumped the gun on the "I Do!" which was cute. We taunted him all day about that.

Bride's mother decided she wanted to set me up.....with Sid, the bride's brother.....who weighs about 400lbs and I hear his house looks like a junkyard. She pointed me out to him and he went off to get me a Diet Coke. Nice? Yes. Date him? No! So I politely excused myself with some stupid excuse and went off to find some of my friends to be a buffer. Luckily, one of the many couples there brought an acceptable "date" for me! Yippee! I hadn't seen them in a while and was happy when they said "Wow! You look amazing!!" (Although part of me was thinking, "what? Every other time you've seen me I looked like poop?") So as I was explaining to Keith (the only non repulsive single man in the room) why he was my "date", another large man walked past. He says "Is that her brother?" Unfortunately I had to respond "No, that's my brother."

Anyway.....by this point it's about 2:30pm and I'm starving! The best man, Marty, and I decided to just go sit down and hope the bride and groom would follow since everyone else was already snacking on appetizers and salad. My brother had been force feeding me crackers for about 10 minutes already so I wouldn't pass out. Dinner was good....stuffed shells and roasted vegetables for me. First real diet cheat in weeks! And cake! Chocolate with raspberry filling.

The we get to the toasts. Marty started out funny but ended sappy and crying. I knew the groom's brother was going to say something really emotional, so I quickly decided to wing it and be the comic relief. I explained that I had known Tom, the groom, for many years. That he was always available to move heavy objects and enter radio contests for you. And that the entire time I'd known him, there was only one thing he didn't have.......a date! So I went out and found him one. Everyone agreed that I'd made the right choice. Then I told the story of their first date without me. I had given him my tickets to Mellencamp at Summerfest so he could do something nice. He picked her up, all went well, he called ma a couple of times, then he drove her home. He got out of the car, but didn't walk her to her door. Instead, he shook her hand and said "Thank you." Boy was she confused! Next day, I made him call her. She asked to talk to me, told me about the bizarre hand shake and I smacked him! Told her I'd take care of it. Next date....no handshake! 2 years later.....married! Needless to say, people enjoyed it. Several asked if I was a professional stand up!

So, after dinner, another series of pictures. All I wanted to do was take my shoes off! But no such luck. This is, of course, when I looked over and noticed the groom's other brother had pulled out his laptop and was watching MST2K clips(see previous photo)! Then the dance started. The newlyweds asked for everyone to join them. Keith nicely asked me to dance so I could avoid Sid. Much appreciated!

The music got progressively worse and very few people were dancing. My feet were happy just to sit. Got to talk for a long time with an old friend I rarely see anymore. Reminiscing......Trying to figure out what happened to the rest of the old gang. Then his wife, Keith and I had a chat about the addictive nature of VH1.

People started to leave around 7:00pm (the whole thing started at 12:30, so this was reasonable). At 7:30, I asked if I could leave......so tired! Took about half an hour to get out. Had to say good-bye to everyone. Mother of the bride tried one more time to convince me Sid was a catch. Arghh!!!!

All in all....a good day. But I am glad it's over :)